Q: Can you explain what motivates people to act the way they do?

A: All of us do what we do and act the way we act, because we are trying to meet our needs. This brings up the topic of the six human needs. The first fundamental need we all have is the need for certainty. You need to know that there is going to be food on your table, roof over your head, you have a job, and your kids are taken care of. We are talking about your sense of stability. However, the second need kind of contradicts the first one, because that is the need for uncertainty or variety. This is why we want to travel, fall in love, go on an adventure. There are healthy ways to meet the need for variety. For example, every time you go to an amusement park or see a movie, you are going on a very safe adventure. It’s also important to be aware of unhealthy ways to meet that need, such as alcohol or drug abuse, committing a crime, or having an affair. You are much better off meeting your need for variety by going on vacation, learning new languages or skills, or reading new books. So go ahead, try a new class or workout, meet new people, buys new clothes, or get a new hobby.

Q: Alright, if certainty and variety are our fundamental needs, what comes next?

A: The third need we have is the need for love and connection. We have to feel that we belong with someone. This is why we want to have a family and close friends, we form social groups or attend support groups. However, Mother Nature has a sense of humor, and made the fourth need the opposite of that. The fourth need is the need for significance, and because of it, each of us wants to feel special and important. Psychologists call it ego. You don’t need to look very far: people place photos of the foods they eat, places they visit, and an enormous number of “selfies” on social media. Why? They want others to pay attention, so they can feel important. We all need to feel that we matter. And again, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to do that. For example, a bully is meeting his need for significance in an unhealthy way by putting others down. At the same time, if you have an important position at work, or you coach little league, or you are helping an elderly or disabled person, you become important to them, and meet your need for significance this way. Look for ways to be important to someone (or a group of people) in a positive way.

Q: OK, so once the four basic needs are met, are there advanced needs?

A: That’s right. The last two needs are considered advanced, because we go after them once we have certainty, variety, connection, and significance. These two advanced needs are the need for growth and the need for contribution. Growth is something we must constantly engage in, learning, improving, and evolving. Tony Robins said “if you are not growing, you are dying.” It’s true for everything in the world: if a tree is not growing, it’s dying. If your relationship is not evolving, it’s dying. We have the need to constantly develop, whether it’s intellectually (learning new things), spiritually, or emotionally.

Finally, we have the need to contribute to this world, become part of the bigger picture. This is why many of us want to leave a legacy, publish books, build estates, establish foundations, and spread knowledge. As a teacher and a coach, this is my way of contributing to the world: by sharing my knowledge and making positive impact on others’ lives.

Now, how are you meeting your six human needs?