Does your spouse make you angry?

Do your children drive you crazy?

Does your boss frustrate you?

Well, it’s all a matter of your perspective and focus. Let me explain.

Many years ago, when I worked at a hospital, I met a patient who lost her arm in a freak accident. To my astonishment, she was not upset by the loss of her arm. Instead, she felt blessed and grateful for being alive. Some years passed, and the hospital where I worked closed down. Many people lost their jobs and felt heart broken, angry, frustrated, and sad. It did not make sense to me back then. Why didn’t my patient, who lost her arm, feel upset, but people who lost their jobs felt so much pain?

Now I know, and the answer is focus.

In today’s world most of us feel stressed and unhappy because we want to control the world around us, including people, events, circumstances, and outcomes, and we can’t. When things don’t go the way we want or people don’t act the way we expect them to, we experience a sense of loss and pain, making us angry or sad. Interestingly, most of our sense of “loss” comes from something that’s not even real, like our unmet expectations.

Here is an example.

A friend of mine expected a promotion at work and made himself believe that he truly deserved it and would surely get it. However, the promotion was given to someone else instead. Of course, my friend became very upset. When his expectation was not met, he felt severe pain of loss, which lead him to feel angry and frustrated. He felt that he lost something that was not even real. However, my patient who lost her arm (something very real!) did not feel the pain of loss. Why? Because her focus was on her second chance to live and see her children and family again.

As a life coach, I can tell you that nearly everything you go through, you experience in your mind first. Your mind is the most powerful thing known to man, and yet, most people forget that. We forget that we have a choice. We can choose what we focus on. We can choose our thoughts, therefore our feelings those thoughts evoke, and, ultimately, our overall state. If you choose to focus on the loss and pain, that cannot serve you. However, if you think of each challenge as an opportunity and feel grateful for it, you can be on your way to a more fulfilling life. The more mindful you become of your choice of thoughts (and the words you think to yourself), the more peace and harmony you can bring to yourself and to those around you.

So, does your spouse make you angry? Do your children drive you crazy? Does your boss frustrate you? The answer is, no. It’s all in your head. Choose to feel grateful to them for giving you the opportunity to grow and become better. Feel thankful for each lesson you receive. After all, “it is not the happy people who are thankful, it is the thankful people who are happy.” Yes, there is much more to understanding happiness vs. sadness, to bringing more joy into your life and reducing the stress you experience, but this may be a good start. Just remember: you do have a choice of what thoughts you think, what emotions you experience, and what kind of life you want to live.